evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
