you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize