Whod you bang
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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