After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
