god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
