just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
