my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
