you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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