Sry I called you an 8
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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