You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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