Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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