At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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