I have demons in me.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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