just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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