my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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