I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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