does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
