Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
