Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Randomize
