white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
