i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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