Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
