And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
