I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
