My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
