Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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