I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
