i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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