i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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