Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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