I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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