I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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