do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
