I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Randomize
