Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
