how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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