FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
