so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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