We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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