dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
