I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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