Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Randomize
