I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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