Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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