WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
