another moral hangover. fuck.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
