Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
