Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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