I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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