I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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