you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
