I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
