Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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