I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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