You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
