i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
