Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
