Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
