i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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