she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
